OUTBREAK: ZERO is a semi post-apocalyptic pandemic roleplay set in the fictional city of Lethford, USA. Current season: Winter, 20/21.
March 2020. The world is in pandemonium as one month ago, GHNv-20 was confirmed, five months after the beginning of norovirus season. The number of the infected are in the higher hundred thousands, and the death toll is at an estimated 250,000, with about seventy percent of the rest of the population experiencing mild to moderate illnesses connected to the S. pyogenes bacteria.
The fear of the unknown has caused mass hysteria and panic.
In an attempt to provide a semblance of safety and control, military personnel patrol the streets, even here in Lethford City, and the police force is trying to keep up with the rising street violence, assault, and theft.
Welcome to OUTBREAK: zero. Will you survive?
HAYANA
SITE OWNER + HEAD ADMINISTRATOR
Hi! I'm Haya. I'm pretty much your girl for everything! If you have any questions regarding our plot, membergroups, etc. don't hesitate to ask me. I'm also in charge of coding, graphics, anything skin related, and advertising/affiliates.
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ADDI
ADMINISTRATOR
Hey! I'm Addi. Hit me up if you need help with anything. I'm always for plotting so don't be shy. I like coffee, booze, and working out. I'm back from a long hiatus the dead so if you need anything, best ask the others until I get back into the groove of things!
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FINNLEY
GLOBAL MODERATOR
Hi hello! My name is Finnley, or Finn, call whichever and I'll be there for you (yes like the FRIENDS theme song). I am in charge of the claims and helping with miscellaneous things. Let me know if you have any questions!
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outbreak
/ˈaʊtbreɪk/ zero /ˈzɪərəʊ/
a sudden occurrence of something unwelcome, such as war or disease. number, no quantity or number; nought; the figure 0.
"Be careful what you offer, I might just have to do that. Especially if you tell me your walls don't have anything hanging on them."
Jude had never been big on decorating. Before he met Emily, Jude had been the kind of guy who thought various flags were good decoration. He had always enjoyed art, and sometimes he would have framed artwork on his walls, but the placement was never very tasteful. He just didn't have an eye for decoration. After all he had lost, Jude just didn't care anymore. His apartment had the bare necessities to survive. Two bedrooms because there were things he'd brought along, but couldn't bear to look at. The spare room in his apartment had remained closed since he moved in.
Jude made a face as if he'd been caught. "I was never very good at interior design." He told her, his tone relaying that she was correct in her guess that there was nothing on the walls of his home. They were an off white, and though his landlord had told him he could paint, he never had.
He felt a curve in his lips as she relented to his unspoken request to stop apologizing. To Jude, he had successfully done his job for the first time in a while. That he got to her before she was truly injured was all that mattered. The memory of her face when he'd come through that doorway made something in him feel violent. He would do anything to make sure she never looked that way again. Taking another drink from the bottle in his hand helped distract him from those images.
"Why don't you watch them anymore? Too busy?"
An immediate nod took over his head. It wasn't like he could sit there and explain that the world felt gray and numb most days. How could he tell her that he no longer watched movies because they no longer interested him? "Especially these days." He said, shrugging a shoulder lightly. It wasn't a lie. Jude had been working more than he probably should have ever since the riots.
Jude didn't know where his suggestion came from. The smile on his face as he'd spoken was the ghost of a different man. A man who had once had the entire world in his hands. He nodded along with her when she seemed stumped as to what to pick, not expecting her to segue into more personal questions.
"Tell me more about you. Where did you grow up? Have any siblings? Why did you become a SWAT cop? Hobbies? Give me something."
The feeling of anxiety at her questions was immediately struck down when she sat back and offered him that smile he'd been thinking about since the first moment he'd pulled up her info in his cruiser. Jude had been wondering what her smile looked like on a survivor rather than a patient. His imagination had not done her justice. He almost forgot to speak, staring at her face as if he were looking at a genius masterpiece in an art gallery.
She wanted to know more about him. This beautiful woman who had clearly been through trials of her own. This woman who had bravely saved his life, a cop who'd done nothing but give her a hard time. Jude was in serious trouble, and not just because her questions took his mind to dark places.
"I was raised in Chicago. No siblings." Those two were easy questions, though they did make him think of his late parents. His mother he could barely remember, but he remembered his father fondly. The next question was the problem. He let his gaze drop back to his plate, trying to formulate an answer that didn't end with her looking at him like so many others had. "I transferred from Chicago, and this was the only position open at the time. Sounded like a good idea at the time." He told her, shrugging his shoulders as if it wasn't a huge deal. The rings resting against his chest beneath his shirt felt like they were burning him. Already, just thinking about it all made his lungs feel constricted.
Hobbies was at least a safe topic, and he didn't even have to make anything up. "I used to write music, play the piano. I liked art, but was never very good at it." He told her, glancing her direction. Nodding towards her easels, there was a glitter in his gaze. "You're definitely better than me. Other than that, I used to play football, but that ended when I got out of high school and joined the force." He explained, leaning back against the back of the couch, angling his body in her direction.
"My turn," Jude said, looking thoughtful. "Where did you grow up? Any passions outside of art?" He figured these were probably easy questions, though he wanted to know more about the frail, sickly girl she had once been. He wanted to know everything about her life.
Havyn sat forward in her seat at this point, a hand waving towards him. She couldn't imagine living in a place that was so plain. She'd feel depressed. Maybe that's why he was such a sour puss the first time he met her. He stared at blank walls every day. Nothing that showed signs of life. She shook her head at him. "Well, I know what we will be doing the next time we hang out." She told him matter-of-factly. Though for a moment her mind lingered one exactly what just came out of her mouth. 'The next time we hang out'. Well that was quite arrogant of her to assume he'd want to put up with her a second time.
"If you want a next time. No pressure there. Lord knows I wouldn't blame you for wanting to call it quits here." What the hell was that?! Call it quits? There was nothing to call quits was there? A blooming friendship? She had no idea, so a small blush built under her cheeks until she reached forward and downed the rest of her cider. She nodded towards his for a moment before she stood. "Another?" She asked as she made her way to the fridge. Wanting to give herself a break and not look like a fool. Maybe she should have kept a mask on. It would have hidden her blush. If he had agreed to another cider, she would have pulled two out of her fridge and made her way back to the couch. Taking her same spot. Close to him, well closer than she had been before.
"Especially these days."
She couldn't imagine being an essential worker during these times. She had worked with so many of them when she was younger, having to be in their care. And knew how much time and effort they put into things as it was. And now? Their lives literately were on the line every day. And Jude? He was the front line. She was glad to see he had a mask now, maybe in a way, she had helped him out in some sense. She reached for her remote and flipped the TV on. It wasn't her cutting off their conversation, but a way to show that she planned on him sticking around a bit. She flipped to a random show but muted it.
Her eyes on him as she waited on him to start telling her about himself. Though she found that blush rushing back to her cheeks as she realized he was staring at her. The smile on her face fading a bit. Her hand raised to her mouth as she wondered if something was on her face. But she was glad when he started explaining about himself. "Chicago style pizza, the Sears tower, and the Bean." She said, a small smile making its way back to her face. "And I'll tell you a secret, no one is good at art without working to be good at it." She had plenty of time to get good at it. Right from a hospital bed.
She was glad that he leaned back and seemed to get comfortable. And she found herself leaning more towards him as he finished up about him. A jock in high school. Played the piano. Likes art. Chicago. She made sure to commit it to memory.
"My turn. Where did you grow up? Any passions outside of art?"
She took a swig from her fresh bottle of cider. "Lets see. Grew up in Miami, which sort of inspired all the art." She started. Yep, the sickly pale girl grew up in the sunshine state. But the art there was absolutely stunning. "I sort of got to miss out on those important years where you find the other hobbies as a teen. It's when I found out about my love for art and creating things really. It was easier to imagine things and make them come to life on paper than facing the walls of a hospital that had posters to 'rate your pain'." She found herself chuckling lightly. "Those smileys still haunt me to this day." She joked, and truly it was a joke. "I used to really enjoy darts. If that can count as a hobby." She smiled at him, finding it funny really.
"Well, I know what we will be doing the next time we hang out."
Just hearing her talk about next times made Jude feel happy. It was a strange sensation to him these days, to feel pleased. Excited, even. Amusement bloomed in his expression as she fumbled for an explanation. And then she was downing her drink and asking him if he wanted another, and he was so ensnared by her that all he could do was dumbly nod his head. As she returned with the second bottle, he finished his first.
She sat down closer. Even though the special difference was probably inconsequential, he still noticed. He felt the need to reassure her, but wasn't quite sure how to string the words together. Focusing on the bottle in his hand, he glanced up at her. "I can cook. Sometimes. Might be a little rusty. Next time," He paused here, let those words sink in. His tone was confident and without hesitation. He wanted to see her again. "Next time we can meet at my place. And I can cook for you. Fair is fair." Already, in his head, he was planning on seeing if he could get ahold of a cleaning service. Make sure the space wasn't dangerous for her. If he couldn't then he'd just have to clean for a day straight.
He only thought about the spare room briefly. Havyn - Kins - seemed to understand boundaries. And besides, men weren't allowed to have storage rooms?
He was relieved when she seemed to be interested in his answers to her questions. The last thing he wanted was to come off as boring, though he was certain he was. Her comment about working to be good at art had his gaze flicking back to the easels in the room. She was a skilled artist. "Then you must have started working at it pretty young." He commented, a smile ghosting around his lips as he returned his focus to her.
Miami. So she was from Florida. He pictured her on a beach, the waves rolling in. The sun hitting her eyes and that smile. She was beautiful. "I've never been to the beach." He blurted, like an idiot. What an oddly specific thing to pick out about a whole state. But he couldn't get the image of her, bathed in sunlight, out of his mind.
"I sort of got to miss out on those important years where you find the other hobbies as a teen. It's when I found out about my love for art and creating things really. It was easier to imagine things and make them come to life on paper than facing the walls of a hospital that had posters to 'rate your pain'."
He wanted to ask her about her sickness. About the frail girl in the pictures. But if his entire life had been about one thing, at this point he'd probably be pretty tired of talking about it. "My dad had a heart condition. I don't mind hospitals because of it." He said instead, pausing for a moment. He dropped her gaze, looking down at the bottle in his hands. "But I still can't look at those little anatomical heart figurines without thinking about him. The ones you can take apart. When the doctor explained what had gone wrong, it was his favorite prop. Hated those ever since." Why he was telling her about his father, he didn't know. No one at work knew anything about his family. But he couldn't help but tell her about it.
A bemused smile took over his face as she brought the conversation to something else. Darts. "I guess it depends on how good you are these days." He said, successfully conveying a joking tone.
"I can cook. Sometimes. Might be a little rusty. Next time... Next time we can meet at my place. And I can cook for you. Fair is fair.”
Kins felt her breath catch in her throat. A small bite to her lip as she found her eyes searching him for any sign of ‘I’m saying this to be nice’. But he seemed to say it with confidence. And that made her heart stutter in her chest. She was also glad that he didn’t bring up her awkward way of wording, almost making it sound like there was something for him to break off. They weren’t really even friends. Strange work acquaintances? They both had dealt with each other through work related purposes. Though she had saved his life before, and he potentially saved hers tonight. Who knew how bad that could have gotten.
“I’d like that,” She confirmed before picking up her drink and having another gulp. It would keep her from smiling at him too widely. Her eyes watching him as she took a sip before she leaned back on the couch. The conversation moving easily onto art. And at his comment, she gave him a small nod. “I mean, I started out like everyone does. Really bad finger painting and coloring outside the lines in a coloring book.” She laughed lightly at the thought. “But it grew more and more. And eventually when I couldn’t really go anywhere, I found myself getting lost in it. It was easier than dealing with constantly being poked and prodded.” She had scars across her stomach and hips from the treatments, but she was good about keeping those covered.
“I've never been to the beach.”
Ah, Florida. The land of the beaches and Disney and space. She lifted a brow her hands playing with the hem of her shorts. “You’re missing out. The waves and salt air are quite refreshing. Though the sand in every nook and cranny could go away without any complaints from me.” There was always sand for days, everywhere. A car alone was never rid of the sand that you’d track into it. It was like glitter. Taking over everything it touched. “It’d be worth the trip, if you ever find time to go.” She was careful to not include herself on that. She already was pressing for another time to see him. No need to be taken the wrong way by joking about them going to another state together.
Hazel eyes flipped to him as he started talking about his father. It sounded past tense, which made a small sadness build inside of her. She had personally never known her own father, but she had her mother. So she could only assume that losing a parent would be awful any way it was looked at. “I’m sorry to hear about your loss.” She offered him. She knew loss in other ways. Many patients that she was with in the hospital didn’t make it. One day they’d be sitting in their treatment together and then suddenly, gone. Kins had a hard time at first with it. But it was one of those things you come to accept. She had a near death experience twice in her treatment. By the second one, she was ready. “What was he like? Your father.” She didn’t think much about asking, but she was bracing herself in case he didn’t want to go further on the topic.
“I guess it depends on how good you are these days.”
A smile was sent his way, her hands stopping on the hem of the shorts as she crossed her arms over her chest casually. “I honestly haven’t played in while.” She told him, a small shrug of her shoulder. ”Are you challenging me to a round of darts one day?” She asked, brows raised on her forehead. A small bemused smile on her face.
Jude had been a little worried that he was overstepping. That maybe she had only brought it up out of politeness or some warped feeling of owing him. In his opinion, he had only done his job earlier. Had he been overly aggressive because it was Kins who happened to be in trouble? Sure, yeah…but, regardless, he would have done the same for anyone. But the look on her face as she accepted his offer made him wonder if she was genuinely interested in him. He couldn't see why she would be. He wasn't anything special. In fact, he was an outright ass most of the time.
He gave a nod of his head as she accepted, letting his gaze drift again as he took a swig from the new bottle. Still, as the glass lowered from his lips, there was a curve to them. Even if he wasn't sure exactly what he wanted out of this, it made him at least a little happy that she wanted to see him again. He figured he'd just roll with his instincts on this.
“But it grew more and more. And eventually when I couldn’t really go anywhere, I found myself getting lost in it. It was easier than dealing with constantly being poked and prodded.”
The bemused smile that had formed on his face as she started to talk about her history with art faded slightly as she mentioned being poked and prodded. It wasn't that he was surprised to hear it, but the images in his head made him want to punch things. Imagining her living a half life, someone as bright as her, made him angry. Made him sad. He didn't pity her, clearly she was strong and doing well now. But he understood that feeling of doing anything else to distract oneself from pain. Physical or otherwise.
Jude wanted to ask about her sickness, but also didn't want to dampen her mood. He figured she would tell him about it on her own time. He wasn't going to push it. "Well, for what it's worth, your art reflects your hard work." His gaze left hers again, finding the various art works throughout the space. Thinking of her wall. "Especially your rearview window decals." He tacked on, throwing her a knowing glance.
It’d be worth the trip, if you ever find time to go.”
Even though she hadn't said anything about herself, the picture that came to mind was of her on the beach. Looking over her shoulder, that radiant smile taking over her face. The sun framing her. Jude cursed himself mentally. He hadn't been this easily distracted since high school. A rueful smile lit his features. "If things ever go back to normal, I might take a vacation." He said, his tone partially joking.
So, she had caught on that hed used the past tense. He hadn't been trying to hide it, but it wasn't something he particularly wanted to speak on. Still, as she offered her condolences, he tried to convey his gratitude with a half smile. "It's been a few years now, but thank you."
“What was he like? Your father.”
Jude hesitated, looking as if he were struggling to form words. His father. "He was a good man." Jude said, shrugging his shoulders. "But like most men his age he didn't really do the tucking in and kisses good night kind of thing. He was tough. He changed, towards the end. Got better at showing his emotions." Jude said, conveniently leaving out the reason for his change. He wasn't ready to talk about them. Jude had spent every day for the past year and a half avoiding the thought of them. "What about your parents?" He asked, shifting the focus away from himself.
He was rewarded with a smile for his attempt at humor regarding the darts, and he couldn't help but think that he wouldn't mind making lame attempts at jokes the rest of the night if she was going to smile at him like that.
"Are you challenging me to a round of darts one day?”
Jude chuckled, shrugging his shoulders as he took another drink of the cider. He was using it like a crutch, but it was an easy excuse to give him time to respond. "I've played darts maybe twice in my life, but I've never backed down from a challenge before." Jude said. "So I guess I am."
"Well, for what it's worth, your art reflects your hard work. Especially your rearview window decals."
She had decided in that moment that she really liked the way he looked in her home. The way he seemed to just fit in there. Looking around at her different art work and the fact that she just felt comfortable with him there. And that was saying a lot actually. Kins wasn't exactly the most social, go figure with her germaphobic behaviors that she had to keep top of mind. She normally wasn't, sure she had washed her hands more often before the whole virus outbreak, but she also wanted to enjoy life. And once the virus started, she had quarantined herself to her home. And when it got really bad, she couldn't leave. No where wanted anyone from Lethford to come into their areas.
The city was a walking virus in the worlds eyes. So the girl with the weakened immune system was forced to sit tight and just double up on protective gear, keeping distance, and pray for the best. Wash her hands a lot. It had made her feel uncomfortable around others as of lately, but Jude made her feel like she could take a deep breath. That she was safe. Though she really should get her head checked considering the man was running around without any mask or protective gear on when they first met. Like he didn't care about his well being.
A grin broke out over her face, one that was just a little impish in the fact that she had graffitied the back window of his cruiser. "I am glad you saw it." She mused, though she knew it wasn't likely to go unseen. She had specifically gone out and found car paint for her to do this specific drawing on his cruiser. "Do you know how hard it is to get ahold of car paint during times like this? Let me tell you, it's not easy. And when you kept passing by, I figured I'd best be prepared for when I had a moment to leave you something to smile about." Yes, she was admitted that she had seen him. He wasn't as smooth as he thought he had been.
"If things ever go back to normal, I might take a vacation."
She nodded earnestly. He really should. Hell, the whole world should pause and take a vacation after this. Maybe each city gets a designated shut down week and they all just take a vacation. Not stay at home and just have time off. Like actually go somewhere and enjoy the outdoors and drinks at a tiki bar and amazing food and sights. "You should. Beaches with models walking around the board walk. Fresh seafood if you like that sort of thing. Ocean air. Live music and art events happening all the time. It's quite fun. And if that's not really your thing, there is a lot of other things. Airboat ride through the everglades, boat rides on the ocean, travel a bit more north and you have amusement parks galore. Happiest place on earth." Her voice almost sing songy at the end.
When he thanked her for her condolences, she nodded. There was not much else to say because she knew that dragging it out or really asking how he felt about it wasn't the way to handle those sorts of things. At least not how Kins did. She listened to him with a gentle expression as he spoke on his father. Watching his facial expressions as he spoke on the man. "What changed him?" She was unashamed of asking. She wanted to know more. She was curious about Jude and what made him, him.
"What about your parents?"
She reached forward, palming her cider once more and she took a long pull from the bottle. "Mom is a tough cookie. She did her best to make sure we were taken care of as best as she could. Always had a roof over our head, some kind of meal in our stomaches when I was a kid. And she was my anchor in the storm. She was strong and faced everything head on. I heard her crying sometimes in the bathroom," A little warning flag went off in her mind somewhere that she was sharing too much. She didn't want him to pity her. "But she kept that behind closed doors. She's still in Florida. Living the beach life." She pointed to a photo that was hanging on the wall of the woman. "As for my dad? I never really got a solid answer on that one. So I'm convinced my mom had a one night stand and just doesn't know." She chuckled.
"So I guess I am."
Kins immediately felt the competitive side of her rear its head. "Game on officer." She said, raising her cider to him in salute before she downed the rest of it. "I won't go easy on you just because you have only played twice before. So bring your best game face." she taunted him. And then she reached forward and snagged the remove, her thumb clicking away until she found something that she figured was partially up his ally when it came to movies. "Hope you have a sense of humor," She flashed him a smile as Zombieland started up.
She twisted to sit so she was facing the TV, which put her within a foot reach of him. She didn't say anything, only peeking at him from the corner of her eyes. If he looked uncomfortable, she'd shift a few inches away from him. But if he seemed okay, she'd stay. This was the closest she had been to someone by choice in a long time. And for some reason, it felt quite alright to her.
Jude knew that mentioning the art work she’d done would gift him with another smile, and he wasn’t disappointed with the mischievous grin that broke out over her face. There was something about her smile that made him feel different. Like he was getting a full breath for the first time in months.
...And when you kept passing by, I figured I'd best be prepared for when I had a moment to leave you something to smile about."
He froze for a second, surprised that she’d seen him. Of course she did, you idiot. He thought to himself. How much more obvious could he have been? Jude chuckled, dropping his eyes to the bottle of cider he’d nearly finished. He wondered for a moment if this happiness he was feeling was because of the cider, though he was fairly certain they weren’t nearly alcoholic enough for him to be anywhere near tipsy. No, Jude had drowned his sorrows in alcohol before. His tolerance for it was actually quite good. ”So I wasn’t as sneaky as I thought I was.” He said. Of course, he’d known he’d been caught at least once, considering she had the chance to draw the window art in the first place.
Listening as she described Florida, Jude realized he wasn’t all that interested in models on the beach or amusement parks. He was interested in Florida because that was where she came from, and he wanted to know if her smile was because of her home, or simply who she was. Jude had no doubt that whether he was in Florida or the Bahamas, he wouldn’t be happy. But she made him smile. And laugh. And share way more information than he ever did with anyone else. She made him feel human again. Which only served to make him feel guilty, in the end. He’d decided a long time ago that he didn’t deserve to be happy.
"What changed him?"
This was where he was supposed to admit to having been married previously. He was supposed to tell her that he’d been a husband, and a father, but that it had all been stolen right from under his nose. Jude couldn’t meet her eyes, giving a small shrug. ”I got older and easier to handle, I guess.” Jude said, knowing it was a lie. He could picture the exact moment that his father really became his father. An image of his father holding baby Ellie in his arms in the hospital room formed in his mind. Something about being a grandfather, about holding that little miracle, had made his father change. Jude could understand it. Because he’d felt like a father only when she’d been placed in his arms. He’d vowed to protect her.
And he’d failed.
Jude was glad when she started talking about her family, a relief flooding him. He’d tell her. Eventually. He just wasn’t sure how to even begin to explain that all of these titles he’d been given had been ripped away from him. He was empty. Nothing. His gaze found Kins when she mentioned her mother crying in the bathroom, and he could see it from a parent’s point of view. You worried for your children, and when they were sick you wanted nothing more than to make them better. He couldn’t imagine the strength required to watch your daughter go through an illness like Kins had. Once again, he wanted to ask about her illness. What was it, exactly? Was she in remission? She appeared to be healthier now, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know every gritty detail. But since he wasn’t sharing his own gritty details, did he really have the right to ask about hers? ”She sounds like a strong woman.” Jude said, nodding his head. His gaze followed her arm as she pointed out a picture of the woman, and he nodded again. Beautiful. Who else could have made someone quite as interesting as Kins?
"Game on officer."
That sentence made something stir in him, and he raised a brow at her as she downed her cider and then followed that up with some big talk. Chuckling, he shook his head, looking purely amused. ”Someone’s competitive.” He responded, tone level. ”Are you like this with all group activities?” Jude teased back. He watched her snag the remote and switch on the TV, recognizing the movie she chose but never having watched it himself. He knew enough to know it was filled with blunt humor and zombies - and violence - which was all it really needed to be entertaining to him. He set the cider on the table, settling back against the couch. ”I guess we’ll find out.” He replied to her sense of humor comment, a smirk tugging at the edge of his mouth.
He tried not to think of how close she was to him - anyone else, and it wouldn’t really be all that close. But someone so opposed to touching, and for good reason? He felt like there was electricity jumping between her shoulder and his. So close, and yet a mile apart. He felt the need to draw her into his side, to cradle her there as if she were something valuable to protect. Immediately, he tried to douse those thoughts. This wasn’t a date date. She’d invited him out of obligation, and let him stay because he’d saved her ass. But Jude would worry about the details later. For now, he was just enjoying her presence beside him.
She shook her head at him, a small smile on her lips. He really wasn't, though she was also highly aware of him after she caught him one of the times. He could have gone by more for all she had known. Kins was glad that she saw him when she did, and that she became aware of his presence when he would roll by. She almost felt like she was safer, knowing his cruiser would come by and spot her once a day. "Hm, perhaps not. Though maybe you were there more than I actually saw you. " She said with a small shrug. She really wasn't completely sure. But she was glad that she got to talk to him when she did. And the fact that he was now with her.
As the subject seemed to shift back to his father, she could feel the air shift. Suddenly, she didn't want to know the answer, and yet she was craving to as well. This was deeper than just his father. She could feel it in her gut, but when he gave her a vague answer, she knew not to push it. She just nodded her head lightly, letting her short dark hair flop just a bit as she took another drink of her cider. Instead, she would allow him this secret, whatever it was for the time being. And she went into the explanation of her own messed up family tree.Though it more sounded like she was praising her mother, who deserved every single bit of it. But when she mentioned the crying, and his eyes met hers, she felt a blush bloom on her cheeks.
"She sounds like a strong woman."
Kins nodded her head in agreement. "She is. She tried her best to meet every diagnosis and test result head on. Even when I didn't want to know because I was being a moody teen and wanted to just give up." She said matter of factly. She realized how that last sentence sounded for a moment, and she gave him an almost apologetic smile. "Being told that your chances of survival were low and how the treatment could kill you itself, sort of put a lot of dark thoughts in ones head. I had taken to making dark jokes about it to try and make it easier to think that I could just die the next day. Or not wake up when I fell asleep because my body finally gave out." She patted her thigh then. "But somehow, it kept going. Just a little busted now." Kins said with a dark laugh.
"Someone’s competitive. Are you like this with all group activities?"
A small smirk slid to her face as she got the movie ready. "I look forward to you finding that out on your own." She teased and then settled in beside him. Her stomach full and cider helping to settle her nerves, she was resting comfortable next to him. She had seen the movie before, but it had been a while. She found herself laughing lightly in the first few minutes as the movie started to set up the main character. Even though her eyes were on the TV, she was hyper aware of the man who sat a foot away from her. His body was long and toned, and she had decided a while ago that she liked his profile. The one thing she could get a small peek at from the corner of her eyes as she glanced at him.
Afraid to be caught, she tried her best to focus on the movie and not the fact that the air between them seemed to be charged with something that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was uncomfortable in a way, but not so that she wanted him to leave her. Just uncomfortable in a way that meant something was new. As she kept overthinking, her eyes were suddenly drawing heavy on themselves. She shifted, tucking her legs under her, hoping that the moment and repositioning would help her sleepiness that was suddenly kicking in. The excitement of the day must have really taken a toll on her.
Before long, and probably only about twenty minutes in, Kins eyes had closed and her body leaned slowly over until her head hit Jude's shoulder softly. Which only briefly stirred her just enough to shift closer to him with a soft, sleepy sigh. Not quite really understanding what was actually happening.
"Hm, perhaps not. Though maybe you were there more than I actually saw you.”
Jude wasn’t sure if she was trying to get him to admit how often he’d driven by or not, but if she was, it didn’t work. Because it had been every day. Every. Single. Day. He’d driven by that wall. He told himself it was because he was curious if her skills were really worth being considered a professional job. But he was starting to realize that the truth of it was, he’d been curious about her. About a girl who went through so much, lost so much time, and still managed to have a smile like she did. To see beauty where there was only ugliness. Jude wanted to know how the world looked to her, because he imagined her vision of it wasn’t in black and white.
”I guess we’ll never know.” Jude said casually, though dismissively. It was clear he wasn’t going to expose himself, even if that wasn’t her intention with that statement. The curve to his mouth said that he was definitely protecting himself.
Jude was glad that she didn’t continue to push, because he didn’t have any more remotely convincing lies to tell her if she kept asking about his family. He wasn’t ready to tell her about that part of his life, and it made him relax slightly that she wasn’t going to make him tell her. Whether she truly suspected he wasn’t saying something else was a mystery to him, but whether she made the conscious decision to back off or if she bought his lies - which he doubted, because even he could hear the things he wasn’t saying practically screaming in the background - it didn’t matter. He appreciated it either way.
And then Kins was talking about her sickness, and that made him feel slightly bad. She was sharing, and he wasn’t. He tried to look unbothered, focusing hard on everything she said. Jude could understand what she was saying - though not through personal experience. His views on death were all second hand until he lost his girls. When that happened, Jude’s only thoughts of death were that he and Death might make good friends. Jude had considered suicide plenty, but could never actually do anything. That didn’t stop him from acting out, behaving recklessly in the line of fire. It was why he did well as the SWAT team’s battering ram. He was angry, and broken. Nothing else. ”Gallows humor.” Jude commented softly, nodding his head.
"But somehow, it kept going. Just a little busted now."
A soft smirk, though not born of humor. Jude didn’t agree with her, though he didn’t have the guts to tell her outright that he thought she was...stunning. ”Busted isn’t my first choice of words.” Jude told her, a heat in his gaze. ”But I don’t think surviving what you did means you’re broken. Tempered, maybe.”
He didn’t push it. He was sure she heard plenty of it throughout her life. That she was a survivor. That she was strong. Jude didn’t want to add himself to the numerous people with empty words, so he left it at that, smiling as she teased him about their little challenge, reminding himself to stop by a store before their next meeting.
Jude wasn’t focusing on the movie, really. All of his attention was on the woman beside him, but he kept his gaze ahead of him. So focused on not looking at her, he didn’t notice her start to slump until she bumped against him lightly. Jude tensed up, his head jerking in her direction. Her head rested against his shoulder, her body leaned towards him. He could smell her hair at this closeness, and for a moment he was frozen, staring down at her. And then he shifted, carefully maneuvering to grab a blanket draped across the back of the couch and twisting his torso so her head was on his chest. He was careful not to actually touch her with his hands, as if he might burn her. Jude pulled the blanket over her, keeping one arm along the back of the couch and the other on the arm beside him. He let her sleep through the movie, selfishly enjoying the closeness.
When she didn’t wake once the credits rolled, Jude realized she was likely exhausted from the stress of the day. Once more, he carefully maneuvered so as not to jar her or wake her, and slipped out from under her. Standing, he glanced around, wondering what he should do. Finally, with a soft sigh, he leaned down and scooped Kins into his arms gently, hoping she didn’t wake up and slap him for picking her up. And then he carried her back to her room, gingerly opening the door and moving over to her bed. He tried not to be nosy, only taking a quick glance around the room, before laying her down on her bed with the blanket from the couch. And then he went back into the kitchen, finding a notepad and a pen.
’Next Saturday. 7pm. - J’
Beneath the simplistic note, he wrote his address. Leaving the note on her kitchen counter, Jude turned off the TV before heading for the door, making sure to lock it on his way out. With that, he headed back to his vehicle, still smelling her on his shirt the whole ride home.
