OUTBREAK: ZERO is a semi post-apocalyptic pandemic roleplay set in the fictional city of Lethford, USA. Current season: Winter, 20/21.
March 2020. The world is in pandemonium as one month ago, GHNv-20 was confirmed, five months after the beginning of norovirus season. The number of the infected are in the higher hundred thousands, and the death toll is at an estimated 250,000, with about seventy percent of the rest of the population experiencing mild to moderate illnesses connected to the S. pyogenes bacteria.
The fear of the unknown has caused mass hysteria and panic.
In an attempt to provide a semblance of safety and control, military personnel patrol the streets, even here in Lethford City, and the police force is trying to keep up with the rising street violence, assault, and theft.
Welcome to OUTBREAK: zero. Will you survive?
HAYANA
SITE OWNER + HEAD ADMINISTRATOR
Hi! I'm Haya. I'm pretty much your girl for everything! If you have any questions regarding our plot, membergroups, etc. don't hesitate to ask me. I'm also in charge of coding, graphics, anything skin related, and advertising/affiliates.
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CODING
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ADDI
ADMINISTRATOR
Hey! I'm Addi. Hit me up if you need help with anything. I'm always for plotting so don't be shy. I like coffee, booze, and working out. I'm back from a long hiatus the dead so if you need anything, best ask the others until I get back into the groove of things!
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APPLICATIONS
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MEDIATOR
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FINNLEY
GLOBAL MODERATOR
Hi hello! My name is Finnley, or Finn, call whichever and I'll be there for you (yes like the FRIENDS theme song). I am in charge of the claims and helping with miscellaneous things. Let me know if you have any questions!
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CLAIMS
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STAFF NAME
OPEN MODERATOR POSITION
outbreak
/ˈaʊtbreɪk/ zero /ˈzɪərəʊ/
a sudden occurrence of something unwelcome, such as war or disease. number, no quantity or number; nought; the figure 0.
Jax sat at his desk, making his chair spin in circles slowly. His attention was on his phone, a picture of Arlo filling up the screen. A soft smile was on his lips as his feet kicked the floor gently, making the chair go from one side and back to another. He missed her. No, it was more than that. When he was on patrol, when he was scouting, when he was on the ten-million shifts that he took knowing they wouldn't see each other, he missed her then. Now, now after what felt like months of that, it wasn't just missing her. He ached for her.
The distance had been his fault. He took responsibility. Though she had been either too busy to notice or too kind to bring it up to him. He cited work of course, and that wasn't a total lie, he had been busier than he had ever been in his life, but the truth was that he had volunteered for all of the extra shifts. He had been the first to offer to go on assignment or on extra rounds. He had done all he could to put a little space between them because the less he was with her, the more he could justify staying. If he was still with her, but not exactly with her, he could live with himself. He could justify still considering her his. His Arlo.
He had gotten a letter a few weeks ago saying that his virus test had been inconclusive and they had to run more tests on exactly what that meant. He had wanted to tell her then, he had thought about leaving a thousand times, if only to protect her. But his boss assured him that if there was any chance that he was truly infected, it would have been caught and that more than likely it was a lab error. So he had given them more blood for tests and put a plan in place to keep his distance, just to be safe.
The days had turned to weeks and here he was, settling his nerves with a picture of her. He clicked the button on the side of his phone and slid it back into his pocket, hoping for the ten-millionth time that the lab would hurry up and give him the results. He had just stood up and yawned when his boss called him in.
Jax went into the office and when the man asked him to shut the door, Jax gave a forced laugh, "I'm not in trouble am I?" He had looked for any signs of humor in the other man, but had found none. His boss slid a piece of paper to him and Jax picked it up, his eyes scanning over it.
Carrier.
He was a carrier. There were light traces, imprints they called it, of the virus in him. It appeared he was immune, or at least that his body had fought it off before he had even known he was sick, he was just a risk to others. He was a threat. "How long?" he asked, the question leaving his lips in a hushed tone.
His boss shook his head, "They don't know. Jax, I hate to do this, but we have to let you go. We can't have that kind of risk at the department. They said techs are working on your blood results, they said maybe they can see if you might be immune to the disease going forward, but in the meantime, we have to let you go." Fired. Carrier. Threat. The words bounced around his head. Jax felt his world tilt and he grabbed the chair in front of him to steady his legs.
He numbly put his badge and his gun on the desk and all but stumbled out of the office. Threat. Carrier. His throat was dry, he thought for a moment he might vomit, a wave of heat and nausea crashing over him. He forced air into his lungs. His legs carried him away from his floor, down the steps almost blindly, his feet dragging him towards the exit. At least that was where his mind assumed he was going, but he realized he was instead in front of dispatch. His hand hovered over the door, ready to knock on it and ask for her. But he couldn't, he realized with numbing horror. He couldn't involve her in this. He couldn't risk exposing her any more than he already had.
Jax moved back from the door, his body finding a wall to lean his weight into. Jax closed his eyes, willing the panic down.
Arlo swore that she hadn't seen Jax's face in weeks in person. The only way she knew that he was alive was when she'd see his bedroom light on and see shadows moving from under his door or when the lunches she left for him in the fridge were taken. He'd respond to her texts of course, but it just wasn't the same. She wanted to see him. Hear him. Hell, she missed the nights where they'd just sit next to each other on the couch and watch Tiger King and Jax would laugh at the way she cringed while watching it. She'd watch that show forwards and backwards thousands of times if it meant she could see him again.
She wanted to ask if it was because of what happened that one night. After the attacks on the police station. Where she laid in his bed and the words exchanged were something more than friends said to one another. And then they kissed. She started it, but he definitely didn't seem so much against it. Arlo had no idea how to bring it back up, to talk about what had happened. And then suddenly he was always gone. It relieved her for the first few days, allowing her to sort out her thoughts and what she wanted to say. But as days turned into weeks, she was longing to just see him in person. Her best friend.
As she woke up for work, she wasn't surprised to see he was gone. There was a silence in the house that gave it away. And when she opened the fridge, she noticed his lunchbox was gone. At least he still was taking the meals. Whether he was eating them or not was a whole other thing. She pulled her lunch out of the fridge and headed in to work. Sending him a meme that made her laugh as she arrived. Talking about work and how 'if you do a good job, they will let you keep doing it' and such. It was enough to make her grin.
After arriving and putting her things away, she settled into her desk. She still couldn't look at the desk behind her. Even though everything had been cleaned and there was nothing to remind her of what had happened months prior. She still couldn't face it. The ringing in her ears would get louder and the shaking would start in her hands. So she kept her eyes on the screens in front of her and let her fingers fly across the keyboard until her supervisor tapped her shoulder and told her it was time for lunch.
She finished her call and then got up and decided she wanted to stretch her legs. She kept her eyes from the desk behind her once more before she headed for the door. Her hand was still on the handle when she pulled the door open and saw the blonde crouched on the other side of the hall. "Marbles?" Arlo said, almost in shock for a moment at seeing him. Her memory barely doing him justice, but it was the way his chest was moving that had her moving forward. "Are you okay?" She said, reaching out for him, to try and place a hand on his arm to get his attention.
The tears hadn’t come yet. That was a shock, but if he put any of the required medical crash-course training to use he would have put two-and-two together and realized that his system was having a panic attack. Instead, however, all he knew was that his chest was tight, his lungs were on fire, and he was a damn carrier. Risk. Threat. The words pinging off one another in his head.
His hands were clenched in fists, white-knuckling from the pressure. He closed his eyes. He knew that if he could pretend he was shooting it might work, it might make him breathe deeper, but the second he closed his eyes all his mind could think about was that he'd never be doing that again. He'd never be doing the only thing he had been good at ever again. More clenching, more tightness.
Then she was there. Like an angel in the night, she had found him. She always found him. Her hand touched his, his senses narrowing down to just her and him. He moved forward instinctively, automatically, pulling her to him. His breath eased as he felt her warm body enveloped by his, in his arms. He smelled her shampoo and put his lips to forehead, finding the first deep breath. Then another. Then his idiot brain clicked again, and the horror and realization of what he had just done slammed into him like a freight truck. He moved from her immediately, shuffling backwards, slipping once and holding his hands up for her to stop where she was. "Oh god. I can't….I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He moved back from her, put 15 feet between them and stopped, his chest heaving, demanding oxygen. He opened his mouth but nothing came out at first. He didn’t want to say it. If he said it, it was true. If he said it, he couldn't pretend that this was all some big misunderstanding, some joke that he was going to end out on top of and right with.
His eyes were sad, taking in her features, knowing that this probably would be the last time they were going to be near each other. He knew she'd protest that, but he'd be damned before he put her in any risk. He cleared his throat, his eyes finding his own feet as he spoke up.
"A few weeks ago, one of my blood tests for the virus came back with errors. So I had to do them again. They uh….they gave me the results today." He looked up, meeting her eyes, "They think I'm a carrier." The words felt wrong coming out of his lips, "Apparently I had the virus and didn't know it. I'm….I'm immune, at least to the symptoms, but….I'm a risk to everyone else." He felt the stinging come to his eyes, the tears that he tried blinking away to no avail. "The PD took my badge and uh…I'll….I'll probably go to the quarantine sector. I just….."
The tears fell freely and he wiped them away. Goodbye. This was goodbye.
Arlo almost didn't believe that she was seeing him. It had been so long since she had been this close. Both of them working around the clock and just overall busy. She heard him at home. Heard him shuffling around. But this, she missed this. Her finger tips grazed his hand and then he was wrapping her into his arms. A small burst of air leaving her as she instinctively wrapped her arms around him. He was warm and solid, it made her feel instantly at home. How had she gone this long without him? Even just this was enough... or at least it was in that moment.
His lips against her forehead had her closing her eyes for a moment. Her hands balled up his shirt in her fists as she held onto him. Give her strength but she almost forgot where she was for a moment. Listening to him take deep breaths. Her brows tugging together as she realized just how bad the state he had been in was. "Jax, are you-" And then suddenly he was peeling himself away from her. Her eyes widened as she watched him stumble back until he was down the hall from her. What was even happening right now? She looked at him with a mixture of concern and heartbreak as he stammered out that he couldn't.
His apologies made her step forward, trying to close the distance but halting when he finally seemed to find the words once more to speak. His usual confidence was gone, his eyes glancing down at his shoes made her know that this was not something to be taken lightly. That something was gravely wrong and her heart was shattering to think that it had something to do with her. Little did she know, it had a lot to do with her... and her keeping distance from him. "I don't understand..."" She whispered out, she wanted to take him back into her arms.
He was sick. Or possibly immune but exposing others to it. The world shifted for a moment in front of her, the wall to her right starting to swirl above her head and the one to her left decided to dip down low. Not her Jackson. No. Why him? Her fingertips went to her lips as she tried to push back the small sound that wanted to leave her. The one that said her heart was breaking for them. His marble eyes were getting glassy with tears and it was hurting her just as much. "Okay... okay. So what do we do? We need to make sure the apartment is stocked for a few weeks. Do you know when you'd go back for more testing?" She was trying to piece it together in her head.
Because in her head, they were doing this together. "I can make soup and your favorite cupcakes. Whatever it is until we make sure that everything is okay..." Arlo said. Her voice trailing off as she tried to think of what she could do to help.
She spoke softly and Jax would have traded the world for this not to be their reality. She didn't understand and neither did he. Not really. He was fine, he had been fine. Jax hardly ever got colds, he hadn't taken more than two sick days in the entire time he had been on the force. He always had a strong immune system. Why did his one breach have to be the damn virus that was wiping out half of the globe? What made it worse was that he was a carrier for the thing. For a brief moment he wished it would have taken him out. Then he wouldn't be out there possibly infecting everyone he came into contact with. Possibly endangering the one person who he loved in this entire planet.
He watched the way she moved, tentatively and unsteadily. He wanted more than anything to run to her. To hold her in his arms and stroke her hair, to tell her that it was all going to be okay. He wanted to strike down every problem she had, but this time he was the problem and the solution was for him to get as far away from her as possible.
She began speaking quickly about stocking their apartment and he wiped the wetness from his cheeks, shaking his head. "Arlo…" his words fell away as she then began talking about taking care of him. Like he wasn't a bomb with no kill switch. "Arlo…I'm not putting you at risk. That isn't even an option. They found traces of it in my blood, I won't risk exposing you any more than I already have."
He shook his head, refusing to listen to anything else. He wouldn't…couldn't…put her in risk. "I'll go to the quarantined sector. If I don't have it in a few weeks maybe I can come back, maybe we can…" He couldn't finish the sentence. Even if he did get clearance in a few weeks. He was apparently immune which meant that if he caught it, he would never know. He would always be putting her at risk. He would always be gambling with her life and he couldn't live with himself if he did that. He couldn't go on if by some roll of the dice she did get sick by his hands. He could infect her without knowing at all. She could be taken from him in a blink of an eye, just like Emma.
Emma. The realization dawned on him and he felt the blood drain from his face. His eyes met Arlo's from across the hall. "Emma. What if I was infected then? I could be the reason she's gone. Arlo I could have killed her." He felt the tightness in his chest again. Emma was gone and there was a chance he had caused her death. She might have still been here, her sister might not be grieving her loss, her parent's mourning her death, if it hadn't been for him. No. He would not let Arlo make the same mistake.
Arlo was standing there, unsure. Unsure of everything that had just happened. He had been essentially gone for weeks. She hadn't seen his face. She had heard him, had texted with him, but she missed him. She even asked a few times when his next day off was. That she'd call out of work if she had to. She wanted to see him, her best friend, her roommate, her enigma that she had yet to dive into what that kiss had met. What it meant when he came for her during the raids.
She had gotten him back in mere seconds as she saw him outside the dispatch room, and now he was being pulled away once more. It wasn't fair. She wanted to scream that at him. That he couldn't just show up and then rip himself away from her. Again. She shook her head at his words, dismissing them as he tried to tell her that he was not going to allow her to help him. That he was going to leave her and go into the quarantined sector.
"Marbles no. This... we can quarantine at home. I've already been around you. For months now. We've kissed... I've been fine... they have to be wrong. The tests." She was trying to grasp something, anything that would give her the leg up on this. A bitter groan left her, her arms wrapping around herself a tears pricked her eyes. Her brown eyes moving to the wall beside her for a moment. They had never been shy around one another and she just didn't think that this was effecting her... unless she had already been sick?
"Emma. What if I was infected then? I could be the reason she's gone. Arlo I could have killed her."
The color that normally rested in his face was gone. Her own eyes growing wide at his statement. At the idea that his fiancé... the one he was just returning from leave for when they met... that she might have died because he exposed her. She tightened her hold on herself, a door to her right opening and drawing her out of her thoughts before she could dive down them further. She made awkward eye contact with a detective who could tell right away that he definitely wished that he had not walked out then. So he stuffed his hands into his pockets and shuffled quickly down the hall.
She swallowed to try and rewet her throat that seemed to have run dry. "Let's just go home. We can talk this out there." She tried to convince him, this wasn't the place to have this talk. There were too many around. And yet she had a feeling he'd fight her. That he wouldn't allow her to come back with him. "Please Jax, I've been lost without you lately." She didn't care how pathetic it sounded. He needed to know.
His nickname came from her lips and he closed his eyes, focusing on her. She spoke about already being around him, already being compromised and a part of him wanted to agree. He wanted to pretend that everything would be okay and that maybe she was immune. He wanted to believe that their life wasn't about to be over, but he couldn't. He couldn't risk her life simply because he didn't know what he'd do without her. He couldn't force her to be around something that could potentially kill her because he was being selfish. "Arlo-" His voice wavered on her name, unable to complete the thought.
She looked away and he wanted to move to her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and have her near him again. He wanted to smell her scent of vanilla and perfume that always called to him as home. He wanted this all to go away. He wanted so many things, but knew it wasn't possible. None of it was possible, at least not until he knew he was clear or that the test was wrong. Not until he knew that he wasn't exposing her anymore.
As his thoughts took a tail-spin he wasn't consciously aware that people were around. He wasn't aware of them having an audience until she spoke again. The words sending a shot of pain into his chest. He missed her too, he'd been lost too. Her voice. He knew he needed to focus on her voice, because if he didn't, his mind was going to keep spinning until it crashed and he couldn't afford that right now. He couldn't let himself go down that path yet. Not while he needed to keep his wits about him and get her safe and away from him.
Jax closed his eyes, wiping the tears roughly off his face. One deep breath in and then another. One small motion to put his body vertical and then another. Standing and talking. He could do this. Jax nodded, grabbing in his back pocket for the mask he always carried. He put it on, forcing the air into his lungs before he trusted his voice to speak, "Okay."
He would go to the apartment. He would do what she asked. He needed to get his things and he needed to leave her the cash and weapons that he kept in their place. He would need to make a call and make sure one of his buddies from the force would look in on her every week. He would get her secure and safe and then he'd go. There was no other way.
"Look, I'll…go and when you get off work we can talk about it then okay?" He hoped she'd agree. If she did, he could get what he needed to get, leave a note and be gone before she got there. He'd hate himself and knew she'd hate him for it, but at least she'd be alive and safe. Better she hate him for leaving than care about him to an early grave.
Even as his head nodded at her words, she didn't believe it. The 'okay' came too easily for him. Was he just drained? Was the news of this just as overwhelming for him that he was going to easily give her what she wanted. Not when he felt the way he did about it. She let her eyes shut and a small, shaky breath was inhaled. Her eyes opening to look down the hall at him with that mask freshly placed over his face. It made his eyes stand more out, those marbled eyes that she had grown to love and adore since she met him. There was no denying what she knew anymore, not since that night.
"Look, I'll…go and when you get off work we can talk about it then okay?"
To hell with that. She felt her dark brows tug towards one another in a confused look. Was he crazy? Did he really think she was going to skip down the hallway now to the lunch room? For her to sit and eat her meal and then go back to her desk and actually sit through the hours left in her shift? She would be distracted. Completely distracted and that helped no one. No matter how calm and collected she could be at dispatch, no matter how she was in the past, this was different.
"Okay, we will talk at home." She told him, freckled face still etched with sadness as she stared at him. Would this be the last time she saw him? Standing here in the police station, standing what felt like miles apart, with tears in both of their eyes as they knew what was to come? Arlo didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to think that this was it. What if he didn't come back from the quarantine area? What if they messed up and he wasn't sick and caught it? It was too much to think of. "Please wait for me." Her voice sounded hoarse as she let out the small plea to him. She could only pray he'd listen. The dispatch door opened behind her and her heard her name being called.
"We are swamped, I am sorry. Can you take a few more calls before you go to break?" She never took her eyes off of Jax as she nodded her head, feeling almost numb as she was beckoned back into the dispatch room.
She couldn't wait until the end of her shift. She was distracted. She made it through ten more calls before she switched her aux from available to unavailable and she stood from her desk. Apologizing to her supervisor as she told her that she couldn't do it. She had to go home. She was not going to miss Jax. She had a gut feeling he was going to bolt before she got home and she'd be damned if the last time she saw him was in the hallway outside of where she worked. Arlo felt like she had enough traumatizing areas in the station alone. Not the hallway as well.
With bags packed, she rushed out the door. They didn't live terrible far, close enough for them to walk if they wanted to. She pulled her jacket tighter around her and wished she had drove instead today. That way she could be back to their apartment in no time. Instead, she walked briskly, purpose in every step as she passed by the buildings. The coffee shop where they met. The pizza place that they first had lunch together and frequented often afterwards. The grocery where they would shop to fill their fridge. She found herself suddenly running by the time she hit that one.
Quick steps all the way up their stairs, all the way to their door where she came to a halt. Where she stood, panting and with curls wild and cheeks flushed under those freckles of hers. Her hand hesitating over the door handle as she stood there trying to collect herself. What was she about to find inside their home. She slowly reached forward and inserted her key to unlock the door. Pushing the door open and stepping in cautiously. "Marbles?" She called out, her voice shaking lightly with the threat of tears.
Jax swallowed hard as Arlo nodded, searching his face. He tried to play neutral. He tried not to let her see how much this was ripping him apart. She had always been able to read him, there were days when she knew him better than he knew himself. He couldn't let that happen today though. He knew she'd fight it. He knew she'd risk her own health and safety. He couldn't allow it to happen. Not again.
She asked him to wait for her, her voice imploring him and he pursed his lips, his mouth not wanting to lie to her. He didn't like lying. They had never had to, or at least he had never had to lie with her. There was never a need. She had always accepted him as he was. He hadn't needed to pretend or deny things around her. He cleared his throat, managing a quick nod. Without another word he turned on his heels and left the building.
He walked at a quick pace, but not quite a run. He didn't have the energy, but he knew he had a lot to get done before she came home. Their home. The home that would now be hers. He put his key in the door and opened it, sliding them back into his pockets before shutting the door.
He went to his bedroom, removing two boxes from the top shelf of his closet. One had cash and one had a few of his personal effects. There were pictures of his parents, pictures of friends and Emma. There were also pictures of Arlo, some notes she had scribbled on sticky notes in his lunch bag that he had saved, along with a few certificates and articles saved from work. Small things that he had saved over the course of his twenty-three years of life.
He dumped the contents of the second box into a large backpack. He took the first box and put it on the kitchen table. The last time he had checked, it was a little over two grand. It wasn't much. He kept most of his money in a savings account. But the cash in his closet was for emergencies. If this didn't qualify he didn't know what did. He moved back into the bedroom, sliding his hand under his mattress, pulling out a pistol. He grabbed the ammo from his closet and set it all on the table. Next was his side table, moving to it and digging around until he found the lease information. He was paid up for another three months. He didn't let his mind wander to where he might be in those months coming. The money would help if she hadn't gotten a new roommate by then.
Jax put it on the table, along with the rest of the things he set aside for her. He dug through the kitchen drawers until he found a piece of paper and a pen.
Arlo, The cash on the table is yours. Use it. Keep the pistol near your bed, there's enough ammo to practice shooting it at the department's range. Ask Williams or Garcia on SWAT if you need help. Lease info is here too. If you need anything else, just look through the night stand. That's where I keep the important stuff.
He hesitated. A lump in his throat getting the better of him before he continued to write again. As he forced himself to go on. Made the words go down onto the page without letting his mind think too much on what the repercussions might be.
I'm sorry this happened. I'm sorry about a lot. I'm mostly sorry that I didn't tell you sooner how much I like you. What the hell, how much I think I love you. You are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't regret the kiss. I'm sorry if you do. I really wish we had more time and I promise that if I can figure out a way for me to be around you safely, I will be back. I just have to go right now. I have to do this. Practice with the pistol. Get a roommate. I'll call you as soon as I can. - Jax
He looked at the words once and then twice. He then moved to his bedroom, shoving a handful of shirts and pants into the backpack before slipping it over his shoulders. He took one more look around the place. Then he was out the door. Quick steps carrying him far and fast. He was down the hall, his feet moving down the metal stairs as he realized he hadn't grabbed his identification papers. He knew he'd want to have that on him, if something bad happened he'd need it. Or they'd need it to call his next of kin, which was a dead end, but he'd rather save them the trouble.
He made the trek back up the stairs, through the hallway and to their floor. He walked past the rows and rows of doors before coming to theirs. Hers. He was trying not to think about the fact that this was the last time he'd be here. At least, for the foreseeable future. He told himself again that this was for her. That he could man the hell up and do this, for her, he could do this.
He opened the door, stepping inside and walking in two steps before coming to an immediate halt. She was there. Inside their place. A few feet from him, tears pooling in her eyes. He swallowed hard, his voice barely audible, "I'm sorry."
Arlo stood there, calling out his nickname first. Waiting for anything, any sign of life. And yet there was nothing. There was a silence that stretched over the home that felt eerie and made her throat close up. "Jax?" Her heart was beating fast and she moved further into the apartment, her feet rushing her to his bedroom door and opening it. Nothing. She looked towards the bathroom and didn't hear any noise. The tears that were a threat started to spill onto those freckled cheeks of hers. A small trembling in her lower lip started up as she left the room.
She moved towards the door and happened to glance inside the kitchen. The table catching her attention with the items spread across it. A box, papers, ammo, a pistol. Her heart sank further into her stomach and she let a soft sob leave her lips. He was gone. She knew he would leave her if she wasn't quick enough, and apparently all it took was ten calls. Ten god damn calls that weren't even emergencies that cost her Jax. A moment of frustrated rage ran through her and she was tempted to pick up the box on the table and throw it. Let it burst open against the kitchen wall and the contents of it explode into the air and on the floor. Except she wouldn't. Instead she picked up the paper that caught her attention, the one with his hand writing.
The apology in the second paragraph made the tears fall harder. A few splashing on the page, her feet slowly moving her out of the kitchen and into the hallway. Her eyes running over the words. 'I think I love you.' She stopped in the hallway and read that part over and over again. The words were filling her head, she could hear his voice talking to her.
"I'm sorry."
She blinked once, and then realized that she saw movement from the corner of her eyes. Blinking out a few more tears as she looked up at Jax filling their apartment doorway. The letter being held between her hands was shaking lightly as she realized that he was not an apparition. But that it was actually him. "Jax," She must have taken the other stairs than he did. Everything was so fresh, she swore the ink from the pen had barely dried when she found it. She dropped the note and moved, quickly, without thought, with so much reason and wrapped her arms around him. If he made a move to push her off, she'd remind him that he already held her today and would have to quarantine as it was. Since they lived together. "I love you."
Jax stood in the doorway and he felt like he was in one of those movies where time stands still. He had always rolled his eyes and groaned in annoyance when it happened to characters on the big screen, but here he was. Standing in their doorway, her appearing where he had been just moments ago, holding the letter he had written with tears in her eyes. Tears that he caused and he'd be damned but it actually felt like time stopped.
That the ticking of the clock halted as he held his breath. Was she furious? Was she mad at him for what he wrote? Was she sad about him putting the words on the paper? Changing their dynamic? Was she mad at him for leaving or maybe for returning? His mind screamed that he should leave. That he had done enough damage and he should let her carry on with her life, at least until he could figure things out. He couldn’t though. He couldn't move. He couldn’t make his body do anything but stand there like a heartbroken idiot.
Tears slid down her beautiful face he wanted to die, right there, on the spot for causing them. For bringing this all to her and complicating things so much more than they already had been. She said his name and it felt like a bullet had gone through him. During SWAT training he had been shot with a rubber bullet as training. It was a fairly normal procedure and it usually was performed with equipment on and at a safe distance away so as not to kill or maim anyone. The guy who fired the shot for him, however, had misjudged the timing and shot him as he was turning to check in with their commander before the shot, causing the bullet to strike a very unprotected rib. He had been benched for recovery for three weeks while it healed. He would have gladly taken a whole firing squad instead of hearing the way his name came out of her lips.
Before he could speak she was moving, crossing the distance between them and wrapping her arms around him. The side of his brain that knew better was momentarily shut off as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close to him. It was right, it was just right, that was all he could process as he held her body to his.
He knew he was a selfish asshole for allowing it to happen, but damn him he couldn't let her go. How the hell did he think he could have possibly been alright leaving her? Without her smile or her jokes. He had been living in a delusional dream world because as he buried his face in her hair softly, he knew the truth. And that was the fact that he couldn't separate himself from her.
Then she spoke.
Three little words that caused him to lean from her slightly, only enough to be able to see her face. His lips pulled into a smile before he could stop himself, "I love you too." He gave an almost shocked laugh, his hands moving to her face, his thumb gently wiping the tears from her cheek. "I'm crazy about you." He knew he should focus, but his brain wouldn't allow it.
She loved him too. Jax leaned down, intending to press his lips to hers, but as he got an inch or so away his mind registered the situation and he paused. The tension felt thick enough to kill him but he forced his mouth to say the words, "We still shouldn't be near each other. I … I can't put you in danger."
Arlo would have fought him if he told her to stay back. She would have dug her heels in and argued. She would have moved forward anyway. If he ran from her, well that might have made for an interesting moment for sure. And at that point, she might have just let herself cry in the doorway. But when his arms welcomed her, instantly wrapping around her, she sagged into his arms. Relieved that he was going to hold her. Though her stomach was still in knots at the idea that he might tell her no, that he might push her back and start the whole argument all over again.
What if he was coming back for the note. What if he was trying to make sure she didn't actually get to see the note? That he had second thoughts about telling her that he loved her. Or at least he thought he did. Was it a heat of the moment thing for him? Just writing down what he thought while saying good bye to her? Her hands shook but she said the words anyway. There was no taking them back. She knew that she loved him. She realized it the moment he was under her desk at dispatch with her during the riots. When he held her to his side. She realized it then, and even more so when they kissed that night in his bed.
But then. Everything changed. She never got to tell him how she felt. Never got to ask him about the kiss. Suddenly it all seemed irrelevant as they stood in each others arms. Her breathing hitched as he responded to her, that he too was in love with her. Not 'I think'. The surprised laugh of his was met with a smile, her freckled cheeks catching tears of hers though they were quickly wiped away. "I'm glad its mutual." She teased, she was crazy about him. She did just run her way home to try and catch him before he disappeared from her life.
When he leaned down to her, she was eagerly ready for this. Her head tilting towards him, lips parting to pull in a breath of air as she readied for this. Her hands slipping to rest one on his chest, the other curling around the back of his neck. Urging him forward, except he paused. Right where she could feel his breath as he talked to her. 'We still shouldn't'. She closed her eyes, sadness washing over her. She wanted this. She wanted him to kiss her, but he was right. He was so right. "I already have to quarantine. We've lived together." She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince him, or herself.
But with a great pull of self control, she dipped her head down and slowly pulled back from him. Her hands lingering on him for a moment as she stepped back further. "I can deep clean. I just don't want you going there. Stay here. I can go stay with Trinity. You don't need to go there. I'll bring you things, just text me." She just had a horrible feeling if he left, that it would be worse. That she'd truly never get to see him again. He'd be in the place where the virus is really everywhere.
Arlo spoke so matter-of-factly that Jax found himself chuckling at the pure absurdity of it all. He had been given papers that had effectively destroyed his life and yet, with her in his arms, he couldn't care less. He had been ready to put his lips to hers and make up for lost time. Some, still shocked, part of his brain registered her tilted chin, her gentle touch on the back of his neck encouraging him forward and he felt it all coming together to be right, but then he remembered how wrong that would be. Not the act itself, at least not anymore, but the responsibility he owed her. The tension was undeniable, he would have sworn the air in the apartment had just gotten a whole lot hotter as she closed her eyes.
Jax ran his tongue over his lips before she spoke, all but screaming at himself internally to keep it together. She made a valid point. They had been living too close. She would have to quarantine, in fact, he wouldn't be surprised if his sergeant had followed up with hers and demanded the quarantine. "I'm sorry. I know this is the last thing you want right now." She wasn't one of those people who skipped out on work, who hated their job. Arlo was damn good at what she did and she did it without complaint. He gave her a playful smirk, "I can give you a whole list of movie recommendations to fill the time though. Starting with Die Hard of course."
She moved away from him and he swallowed hard. He steeled himself against moving back to her. Against simply picking her up and refusing to let her go again. The space where she was felt so much more emptier than it had been. Her body left only a lingering warmth that he desperately wanted to cling to again. She began speaking and the corner of his lips tugged up, "Arlo you don't have to clean anything. If I've already had it there isn't much we can do now. This isn't your responsibility anyway. You need to keep yourself healthy."
She spoke about staying with Trinity and he knew that was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. The problem was that if she was there, he couldn't do a damn thing to protect her if something happened. If she was there, there was zero chance he'd get to see her face or hear her singing when she thought he wasn't listening. He would be totally alone and he didn't know if he could do that.
"Okay, I won't go." He ran his hand through his hair before crossing his arms, a smirk on his face, "But what if….I quarantined in my room? I've got a bathroom and shower, I can horde food and I've even got a tv. I can stay in my quarantine quarters and you can have the rest of the place. You wouldn't have to move any of your stuff or trek across town." He shifted his weight, leaning against the door frame as he continued, "Plus, we could still watch shows together if I open the bedroom door. I can see right to the couch from my bed." He grinned. It was worth a shot and, at least in his mind, wasn't that bad of an idea. He could be away from her but not totally away from her. She would be near and heaven knew quarantining together was a whole hell of a lot more fun than apart.
Oh she felt the shift in the air. She wanted to close the distance between them. She really, really did. She had wanted this since the first time they kissed. But instead, she had wrangle herself in. "You know," She whispered before she backed away, "When this is over, and I can actually kiss you... it'll be worth it." She said and then she was backed away, her eyes running over his form and she waved a hand at him, coaxing him back into the apartment so he could shut the door. So that they can seal themselves away for the next two weeks.
The apology of his only earned a shake of her head. There was nothing to apologize for in her opinion. "I've been needing a stay-cation anyway. So this works. Just need to download some of those apps for contactless deliveries and what not now. Oh! Maybe even a time for us to try out some of those free trials." She, of course, trying to twist this into something positive. Into something less life threatening. Potentially life threatening. And yet, this was a part of their world now wasn't it? Becoming more and more common to be possibly infected? More people having these 'scares'? She figured she'd rather be doing this with him than by herself.
The moment he agreed to them quarantining together, there, in their apartment... there wasn't anything in the world that could dampen her smile. He was staying. She practically ran back into his arms, her body moving lightly, and she had to rock up on the balls of her feet to keep herself from actually lifting them. From closing the pace between them. As she told him earlier, it was going to be worth it. And now, at least she could be around him. "You know, that just means I have control over what we watch." She teased, as she backed into the living room and grabbed the remote, throwing it towards her room.
"And lots of cheesy dishes for meals. And plenty of icing on cupcakes." Because they might be stuck quarantined, but you better bet she was going to bake and cook for them like she always did. Even better really because she'd have time.
Her words were barely a whisper but he caught them all. Her body moved from his but oh those words made him want to close the distance between them. The promise of it being worth it, her beautiful eyes moving over his form made him think of sinful things. Things that he knew shouldn't exactly be on the forefront of his mind, but he'd be damned if he could help it. She coaxed him in with a wave of her hand and he needed no further encouragement to step inside and close the door behind himself. Jax shrugged the backpack off his shoulders, holding it firmly in his hands and moved to the table filled with the things he had left.
He listened quietly as Arlo waved off the idea of him needing to be sorry. Relief washed over him as he let her words soothe him. She was, of course, looking for the bright side in all of this. He normally would be right there with her. If it had been anything else other than the possibility of him killing her, he would have been more than happy to make the best of their situation. For the meantime though, he found himself dancing a moral line of wanting to seal himself away and simultaneously snuggle on the couch with her.
He pulled his attention to the table in front of him, "Alright but look, I want you to use this money. That's why it's here okay? No arguments." He did his best to give her a serious look. Not smiling at her wasn't natural though. It felt odd. He was certain she'd do whatever she wanted once he was sequestered away, but it was worth a shot at least.
He walked to his room, laughing lightly when she mentioned she'd be in control of the remote. "Deal. Just do me a favor and spare me the romantic dramas or I warn you…I will narrate it." Jax walked in his room with a grin on his lips that only got bigger when Arlo mentioned cupcakes with lots of icing. He leaned against his doorjamb wondering how in the hell he was lucky enough to get quarantined with his best friend. "Deal."
